When Ahmaud Arbery was murdered, I was more than appalled. When a white cop in Minnesota chose to take a knee on the neck of George Floyd, it broke me.

In the wake of tragedy, leaders have a responsibility. When injustice wreaks, influence is a priority. I love and admire how you have led me over the years. If it weren’t for you, I probably would not be where I am today.

You fed me, led me, and resourced me. You gave me your stage, put me in front of your people, and for that I’m thankful. You sent me advanced copies of your books, invited me to your trainings, and even took me out for dinner.

Thank you.

What I cannot stop thinking about is your silence. You had a lot to say when I positioned you in my life as a voice of influence. However, when I needed you, I could not find you. I check my social media handles daily, but when I checked to see how you would handle the racial injustice in our nation, I could not find you. It felt like you went dark.

I can’t assume why you went dark. But, I can say I felt abandoned. There’s nothing worse than feeling abandoned. The highest calling of a leader isn’t how much vision you can give me, but how much love you can shower upon me.

I’m hurt, frustrated, and angry. It’s called being human. If my counselor was in the room as I write this, I think he’d call this process that I am in – grief.

When you decide to come back to social media, write another book, and launch your next event. My black face will not be there. Will I return? I hope so. In this season, I have to become what I need and what others need who I am leading.